frustrations abound...

As I sit down to write this, Brandy is at work, Rich is sleeping, Ange is in bed with Cameron and Will. Willow and Thomas are in the playroom and Victoria is at school. It has been a tough week in this house. It all started with a conversation about our family having a reality show. Its just in talking stages, so nothing is decided yet. BUT, Ange flipped out. She was crying and saying how she doesn't want her whole life being shown on TV for the world to see. Rich got on her because it would be a great way for the family to have an extra income, on top of showing the world what a normal Poly family looks like. The Brown Family on TLC's Sister Wives have been together a long time, and have seperate housing setups. We are 9 people living in a 4 bedroom home. We have a minivan and a 4 door car. We live on 36,000 a year. We are an average family, except for the polygamy part.
To add to the drama, it appears it was the week to air dirty laundry in the house. We've had a lot of fights this week, mainly over time and money. Rich sleeps in my room during the day, as its in the back corner of the upstairs. Its quiet and dark. If it were Ange's room or Brandy's room, he'd still sleep in it. Ange gets upset because he spends so much time "with Julie". No, he sleeps in my room. I don't spend any more time with him in my room than anyone else does in their rooms. Yes, I admit, he and I run to the store together more often than anyone else. Rich and I are a lot alike, and sometimes he just needs to talk to someone. I happen to be that person because I don't bitch about everything and everyone all of the time. (Minus on here, because this is how I vent...)
Now, it feels like Ange doesn't want me here. She's always comparing herself to me, and feels like she can't do anything right. That's not true! Now, this house is a mess right now. She's having a hard time keeping up with 5 kids, a husband and the housework. Who wouldn't???

That being said, I am embarrassed to even think about this house being on television! It is chaotic and can look disastrous! I don't know how in the world we can get this thing ready!!! UGH i'm so stressed...

im back

So sorry for the delay in writing. Life can get very busy when you are a mom and working! But, since I'm home sick today, I figured I could get on and update about what's been going on.

First, I'm now working at Buy Buy Baby. Its a GREAT store. If youve ever been to Bed Bath and Beyond, imagine that store with baby stuff. That's it! My co workers are awesome and its a really positive work place. Love it!

B has been working as a crossing guard for an hour in the mornings, and an hour in the afternoons. Everyday I get to hear about how she was almost killed by a speeding car, or how the kids were so impatient and didn't want to wait for her to put the sign out. Oh, my personal favorite is how tired she is everyday! Seriously??? You work 2 hours. How tired can you be? Rich is working 12-14, I work 6-8. So don't want to hear it!

Ann has had her hands full with the kids. Cameron is severely delayed. We will be taking him to Children's hospital this winter for an evaluation. He is terribly uncoordinated, and has only a few words in his vocabulary. Willow has enough energy to keep a small city running for 10 years. My child is a blessing, but I never knew how much energy a child could have! Love it!!! Thomas and William are babies. They still don't sleep all the way through the night. Each of them is up at some point for a bottle. B swears that Thomas keeps her up for hours every night, but I have a hard time believing that. When I've watched him at night, he stirs a lot, but doesn't wake up.

The house is a little cleaner than before, but we still have a LOT of work to do. Mounds of stuff seem to collect in this house, and no one puts it away until Rich hollers about it. Normally, he hollers because i'm complaining to him. I just dont understand how a house can be dirty all of the time when there are two women here almost all day. Actually, I do understand. It's called laziness. If they would just spend a few minutes everyday on each room, and pick up as messes are made, then the house would never look like an atom bomb just detonated. Now, I'm not the strictest person when it comes to a clean house, but when there are babies crawling and this many people in and out, its nice to come home to a clean house. But, alas, that has been too much to ask.

Apparently, Rich was sent information about having our family on tv for a wedding. It was my assumption that it would be mine, as I'm the newest wife. Well, since B hasn't had her wedding, she thought it would be hers. Now, for as long as I know. B has said that she wanted to wait until she was out of college to have her wedding. She didn't want to do it, for whatever reason, while she was still in school. BUT, now that the opportunity has come up for her wedding to be nationally syndicated, she's all ready to jump at the chance. OMG her immaturity just grates on my nerves. Well, anyway, through his conversations with the producers, it sounds like they may be interested in more than just a brief story. We shall see where that leads us. I can't imagine this family or this house on TV. People love drama, and we have plenty of it!!!

Willow is at Grandma and Grandpa's for a week. I really miss her. I've never had her away from me for more than 2 nights. The house feels empty without her. I guess I pick her up Sunday evening. Then, Monday, we have a family friend flying in for a few days. I'm so excited to see her, but have a LOT of work to do around the house before she gets here. Guess I wont be sleeping much this week.

I'll try to get better about updating on here. Can't wait to share more about my crazy, wonderful life. Blessings!!

To Blog or not to blog...

Happy early morning to you all. Its 1225 am on Friday morning as I am typing this. Made the mistake of taking a nap tonight. Would have slept all night, but I drank way too much water! Speaking of which, I'm drinking a lot more lately. Tummy has been upset after eating. I feel like I'm not sleeping at all, which is not the case. I'm actually sleeping about 10 hours every night. Maybe I'm fighting off a stomach bug that's going around. Who knows!

Well, Rich and Ann went before the bishoric tonight. Sounds like the meeting went ok. Guess our blogs are being read by Bishop. Sir, if you read this one, I do hope that you are enlightend by what I write. Also, please know that I pray for you and the Ward nightly. The church has been a blessing to me in the short time I've been attending. Thank you.

I may be faced with shutting down my blog. I hope it does not come to that. I know that good comes from this. If nothing else, it gives me a chance to write down everything that I need to process, and allows me to get feedback. I really do enjoy writting here. I hope you all enjoy reading it.

Well, that's bout it for now. time to try to get some sleep before work tomorrow.

I can't believe its been 2 weeks since I've sat down to write in this! Sorry to all of my followers who are sadly dissapointed (LOL). Ok, so here's a recap of what's been going on.

Home church is going well. Rich does a great job at preparing our lessons each week. Now, we just need to find a way to keep the kids busy so moms can pay attention. But, that's the case no matter where we worship. The kids faces are hilarious when they take a sip of the wine. Willow looked back at me with her fance all scrunched up, "that's yucky, Mommy." Soo cute!

This past week, we had a great discussion on why its important to listen to the voice of God, and not rely on the voices of those who have passed on. Its something that I did as a younger person, and something that one of my sister wives still hangs on to. Being a Christian household, we must hold fast to the Scriptures, and follow the leading of God.

I started work at a Catholic/ Opus Dei boarding house. I'm cleaning and cooking for 8 unmarried Catholic men. Hate it! I should be at home cooking and cleaning for my family of 9. But, the good news is- I just got hired on with Buy Buy Baby!!! Its temp to start, but I have no doubt that I will prove myself worthy to stay on full time :-D

I've really enjoyed reading the comments that each of you leave on my blog. It is good to know that people out there are really reading these random mumblings of my mind. I assure you, there is more to come. Tomorrow's task: rearranging bedrooms to make room for everyone.

On a more solemn note: Rich and Ann face the Bishphoric tomorrow night for the excommunication hearing. I know both of them are dreading actually hearing the words, but we will stand strong as a family as we follow God in a new direction. I will miss our congregation at the LDS, but I know that God has a plan and purpose for this happening. Selfishly, I hope its to rock the boat a little.

Till next time, God bless you!

Preparing for Church

I have been given the task of preparing flatbread for sacrament on Sunday. I've made it before, but I feel more humbled this time. I guess I understand the meaning more now, that I am preparing such a holy blessing for my family. With this task, I am also preparing to teach my sister-wives more about the Bible. Ann was not raised in church, and the LDS is more focused on teaching doctrine than anything else. B has gone off and on, but does not have a strong foundation either. I guess my years of Bible College are finally paying off. I am humble and almost scared to take this on. I am not a spiritual leader! It is one thing for me to teach my children about God and how much He loves them. It is another thing entirely to teach my sisters! Rich is leading us as a family in the Sacrament, as well as a family "sermon". I want to teach my sister's more about the women in the Bible, and how to follow the good, and avoid the bad. What a task that has been set before me! I've always said that I learn and draw closer by teaching; I guess Heavenly Father is giving me that opportunity now.

Desperate...

The past few weeks, I have walked around this house in a daze. I feel empty, lost. Part of me feel dead. Its a terrible feeling! This morning, in the still of the morning, I finally figured out why. I have gotten so busy with life, that I've let my Spiritual life fall to the wayside. I have let myself get so bogged down with the business of life, that I have forgotten to just "be still".

Jesus, I need You to come and be here with me. I am DESPERATE for your touch again. Bring new life to this dry and thirsty soul. I want to know you on a level I have never known you before!

More changes...

DH just got home from visiting our ward Bishop. Apparently, someone from our ward found someone's facebook page and a blog. Rich and Ann will be getting called before the disciplinary board, and will be excommunicated from the church; a blow we all knew was coming, but we were not ready for. My baptism was set to be on Saturday. I still plan on holding that schedule, but we will not be doing it at church. I will have Rich do it privately with just our family. I know we are not the first family to be kicked out of a church for polygamy, and we will not be the last. No longer do we have to hide. We can be open about our family, and be proud of our family. God has given us each to each other, and I will never turn my back on the blessings He has poured out on us.

On the other part of my life...my ex called and said that he had moved back to Tennessee. I was shocked, until I heard why. His cousin had a logging company, and wanted Ex to buy it out and take over the trucking side. He bought 8 trucks, and is going to be passing on a family business to my daughter when the time comes for him to give it up. What a blessing! This was his lifelong dream, and his hope to give his daughter something to inherit.

Crazy, mixed up day...