Thursday, December 2, 2010

January 22, 2011

Well, the big day is here. We've made some changes. Brandy is no longer getting married on the 15th of January. Instead, I'm sealing myself to Rich on the 22nd. Yes, this is for TV. I love my family, and I want to show the world that just because we live this way doesn't mean we're scary people, or a cult. I'm really excited! I'm getting married again!!! I ordered my dress today. Its just a simple dress, but its so pretty. Now, its just a matter of planning the little stuff. If I know you personally, please send me an email and let me know if you are interested in coming! I'm going to do some email invites and some phone calls, but I dont want to offend anyone by asking. Soo, if you dont get an invite, but want to come...PLEASE let me know!!! Its not rude at all! I have so much to do, I know I'll forget people...

Monday, November 8, 2010

frustrations abound...

As I sit down to write this, Brandy is at work, Rich is sleeping, Ange is in bed with Cameron and Will. Willow and Thomas are in the playroom and Victoria is at school. It has been a tough week in this house. It all started with a conversation about our family having a reality show. Its just in talking stages, so nothing is decided yet. BUT, Ange flipped out. She was crying and saying how she doesn't want her whole life being shown on TV for the world to see. Rich got on her because it would be a great way for the family to have an extra income, on top of showing the world what a normal Poly family looks like. The Brown Family on TLC's Sister Wives have been together a long time, and have seperate housing setups. We are 9 people living in a 4 bedroom home. We have a minivan and a 4 door car. We live on 36,000 a year. We are an average family, except for the polygamy part.
To add to the drama, it appears it was the week to air dirty laundry in the house. We've had a lot of fights this week, mainly over time and money. Rich sleeps in my room during the day, as its in the back corner of the upstairs. Its quiet and dark. If it were Ange's room or Brandy's room, he'd still sleep in it. Ange gets upset because he spends so much time "with Julie". No, he sleeps in my room. I don't spend any more time with him in my room than anyone else does in their rooms. Yes, I admit, he and I run to the store together more often than anyone else. Rich and I are a lot alike, and sometimes he just needs to talk to someone. I happen to be that person because I don't bitch about everything and everyone all of the time. (Minus on here, because this is how I vent...)
Now, it feels like Ange doesn't want me here. She's always comparing herself to me, and feels like she can't do anything right. That's not true! Now, this house is a mess right now. She's having a hard time keeping up with 5 kids, a husband and the housework. Who wouldn't???

That being said, I am embarrassed to even think about this house being on television! It is chaotic and can look disastrous! I don't know how in the world we can get this thing ready!!! UGH i'm so stressed...

Sunday, October 17, 2010

im back

So sorry for the delay in writing. Life can get very busy when you are a mom and working! But, since I'm home sick today, I figured I could get on and update about what's been going on.

First, I'm now working at Buy Buy Baby. Its a GREAT store. If youve ever been to Bed Bath and Beyond, imagine that store with baby stuff. That's it! My co workers are awesome and its a really positive work place. Love it!

B has been working as a crossing guard for an hour in the mornings, and an hour in the afternoons. Everyday I get to hear about how she was almost killed by a speeding car, or how the kids were so impatient and didn't want to wait for her to put the sign out. Oh, my personal favorite is how tired she is everyday! Seriously??? You work 2 hours. How tired can you be? Rich is working 12-14, I work 6-8. So don't want to hear it!

Ann has had her hands full with the kids. Cameron is severely delayed. We will be taking him to Children's hospital this winter for an evaluation. He is terribly uncoordinated, and has only a few words in his vocabulary. Willow has enough energy to keep a small city running for 10 years. My child is a blessing, but I never knew how much energy a child could have! Love it!!! Thomas and William are babies. They still don't sleep all the way through the night. Each of them is up at some point for a bottle. B swears that Thomas keeps her up for hours every night, but I have a hard time believing that. When I've watched him at night, he stirs a lot, but doesn't wake up.

The house is a little cleaner than before, but we still have a LOT of work to do. Mounds of stuff seem to collect in this house, and no one puts it away until Rich hollers about it. Normally, he hollers because i'm complaining to him. I just dont understand how a house can be dirty all of the time when there are two women here almost all day. Actually, I do understand. It's called laziness. If they would just spend a few minutes everyday on each room, and pick up as messes are made, then the house would never look like an atom bomb just detonated. Now, I'm not the strictest person when it comes to a clean house, but when there are babies crawling and this many people in and out, its nice to come home to a clean house. But, alas, that has been too much to ask.

Apparently, Rich was sent information about having our family on tv for a wedding. It was my assumption that it would be mine, as I'm the newest wife. Well, since B hasn't had her wedding, she thought it would be hers. Now, for as long as I know. B has said that she wanted to wait until she was out of college to have her wedding. She didn't want to do it, for whatever reason, while she was still in school. BUT, now that the opportunity has come up for her wedding to be nationally syndicated, she's all ready to jump at the chance. OMG her immaturity just grates on my nerves. Well, anyway, through his conversations with the producers, it sounds like they may be interested in more than just a brief story. We shall see where that leads us. I can't imagine this family or this house on TV. People love drama, and we have plenty of it!!!

Willow is at Grandma and Grandpa's for a week. I really miss her. I've never had her away from me for more than 2 nights. The house feels empty without her. I guess I pick her up Sunday evening. Then, Monday, we have a family friend flying in for a few days. I'm so excited to see her, but have a LOT of work to do around the house before she gets here. Guess I wont be sleeping much this week.

I'll try to get better about updating on here. Can't wait to share more about my crazy, wonderful life. Blessings!!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

To Blog or not to blog...

Happy early morning to you all. Its 1225 am on Friday morning as I am typing this. Made the mistake of taking a nap tonight. Would have slept all night, but I drank way too much water! Speaking of which, I'm drinking a lot more lately. Tummy has been upset after eating. I feel like I'm not sleeping at all, which is not the case. I'm actually sleeping about 10 hours every night. Maybe I'm fighting off a stomach bug that's going around. Who knows!

Well, Rich and Ann went before the bishoric tonight. Sounds like the meeting went ok. Guess our blogs are being read by Bishop. Sir, if you read this one, I do hope that you are enlightend by what I write. Also, please know that I pray for you and the Ward nightly. The church has been a blessing to me in the short time I've been attending. Thank you.

I may be faced with shutting down my blog. I hope it does not come to that. I know that good comes from this. If nothing else, it gives me a chance to write down everything that I need to process, and allows me to get feedback. I really do enjoy writting here. I hope you all enjoy reading it.

Well, that's bout it for now. time to try to get some sleep before work tomorrow.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I can't believe its been 2 weeks since I've sat down to write in this! Sorry to all of my followers who are sadly dissapointed (LOL). Ok, so here's a recap of what's been going on.

Home church is going well. Rich does a great job at preparing our lessons each week. Now, we just need to find a way to keep the kids busy so moms can pay attention. But, that's the case no matter where we worship. The kids faces are hilarious when they take a sip of the wine. Willow looked back at me with her fance all scrunched up, "that's yucky, Mommy." Soo cute!

This past week, we had a great discussion on why its important to listen to the voice of God, and not rely on the voices of those who have passed on. Its something that I did as a younger person, and something that one of my sister wives still hangs on to. Being a Christian household, we must hold fast to the Scriptures, and follow the leading of God.

I started work at a Catholic/ Opus Dei boarding house. I'm cleaning and cooking for 8 unmarried Catholic men. Hate it! I should be at home cooking and cleaning for my family of 9. But, the good news is- I just got hired on with Buy Buy Baby!!! Its temp to start, but I have no doubt that I will prove myself worthy to stay on full time :-D

I've really enjoyed reading the comments that each of you leave on my blog. It is good to know that people out there are really reading these random mumblings of my mind. I assure you, there is more to come. Tomorrow's task: rearranging bedrooms to make room for everyone.

On a more solemn note: Rich and Ann face the Bishphoric tomorrow night for the excommunication hearing. I know both of them are dreading actually hearing the words, but we will stand strong as a family as we follow God in a new direction. I will miss our congregation at the LDS, but I know that God has a plan and purpose for this happening. Selfishly, I hope its to rock the boat a little.

Till next time, God bless you!

Friday, September 3, 2010

Preparing for Church

I have been given the task of preparing flatbread for sacrament on Sunday. I've made it before, but I feel more humbled this time. I guess I understand the meaning more now, that I am preparing such a holy blessing for my family. With this task, I am also preparing to teach my sister-wives more about the Bible. Ann was not raised in church, and the LDS is more focused on teaching doctrine than anything else. B has gone off and on, but does not have a strong foundation either. I guess my years of Bible College are finally paying off. I am humble and almost scared to take this on. I am not a spiritual leader! It is one thing for me to teach my children about God and how much He loves them. It is another thing entirely to teach my sisters! Rich is leading us as a family in the Sacrament, as well as a family "sermon". I want to teach my sister's more about the women in the Bible, and how to follow the good, and avoid the bad. What a task that has been set before me! I've always said that I learn and draw closer by teaching; I guess Heavenly Father is giving me that opportunity now.

Thursday, September 2, 2010


The past few weeks, I have walked around this house in a daze. I feel empty, lost. Part of me feel dead. Its a terrible feeling! This morning, in the still of the morning, I finally figured out why. I have gotten so busy with life, that I've let my Spiritual life fall to the wayside. I have let myself get so bogged down with the business of life, that I have forgotten to just "be still".

Jesus, I need You to come and be here with me. I am DESPERATE for your touch again. Bring new life to this dry and thirsty soul. I want to know you on a level I have never known you before!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

More changes...

DH just got home from visiting our ward Bishop. Apparently, someone from our ward found someone's facebook page and a blog. Rich and Ann will be getting called before the disciplinary board, and will be excommunicated from the church; a blow we all knew was coming, but we were not ready for. My baptism was set to be on Saturday. I still plan on holding that schedule, but we will not be doing it at church. I will have Rich do it privately with just our family. I know we are not the first family to be kicked out of a church for polygamy, and we will not be the last. No longer do we have to hide. We can be open about our family, and be proud of our family. God has given us each to each other, and I will never turn my back on the blessings He has poured out on us.

On the other part of my ex called and said that he had moved back to Tennessee. I was shocked, until I heard why. His cousin had a logging company, and wanted Ex to buy it out and take over the trucking side. He bought 8 trucks, and is going to be passing on a family business to my daughter when the time comes for him to give it up. What a blessing! This was his lifelong dream, and his hope to give his daughter something to inherit.

Crazy, mixed up day...

Sunday, August 29, 2010

A daunting task is at hand

I try not to play the comparison game with other women. It is not fair of me to measure myself to someone else, when the only standard I should be worried about is how I measure up to Jesus. However, that is so hard to do. The woman whom I most often compare myself to is a standard that I will never be able to reach. So, why do I do it? Its frustrating, but I do it anyway. Who is this woman? Well, I believe she is the one all Godly women should strive to be like. She can be found in the book of Proverbs, chapter 31. Using The Message, an interpretation of the Scriptures, I want to share with you the woman I want to become.

"Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it." I do not EVER want to give my dh reason to distrust me, or to question my motives for anything I do. I want my motives and actions to be above reproach at all times.

"She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day." Anyone who knows me, knows that I hate mornings. I do not function well early in the morning. However, now that I have a large family, I must become more diligent is getting up and making sure everyone is fed. Victoria starts school this week. With prayer, I start work this week, also. I am taking it upon myself to ensure that she has a filling breakfast to keep her going until lunch time. If I eat also, I will be less apt to stop at McDonald's for food on my way to work, too.

"She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden." I will be working outside the home. I have chosen to do this for a few reasons, but the most important being that I need a break from this house in order to be a kind, sweet person. I have chosen (or it chose me...) a profession that I am skilled in, and that pays very well. I consider my calling to be an interpreter in ASL to be not only a gift from God to teach His children about Him, but also a wonderful way to care for my family. With the money I will be earning, I will be able to care for my family is a wise way. Father, please show me how to be a faithful steward of the provision You will provide!

"First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, and is in no hurry to call it quits for the day." I have learned that if I stay in my jammies all day, the only thing I want to do is sleep and be lazy. I MUST get up, get dressed and be about my work. When I put on my clothes, it seems to make me more diligent about doing my job. Also, I take pride in making sure that, most days, I dress well. I do not want my husband to look at me and see a slob. I want him to be proud of me, even if I am just at home. I want to look my best, as often as I can, to encourage myself to be the best I can, and to please his eye.

"She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking." I am not prideful about many things, but I am proud that I was wise enough to learn from my Grandma and my Mom how to take care of a home, and how to cook filling, healthy, and inexpensive meals for my family. I am still learning to sew to the skill level I want, but that will come with practice. I still have much to learn, but no one in my home goes hungry!!!

"She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear. She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks...she designs gowns and sells them...her clothes are well made and elegant, she always faces tomorrow with a smile." I can't wait until I can get my sewing machine and start sewing clothes again. I want to make pajamas for everyone, and even some clothes for Victoria to wear for school and church. I want to dress modestly, covering myself well, as to not let the world see the body that only my husband is to know. I want to make some long skirts for myself, and my sister wives if they wish. I long for my clothes to not only flatter, but to be lovely. I want my husband to look at me and be honored that I am keeping myself for him alone, and looking nice to bring respect to myself, as well as to him. My smile and positive attitude MUST proceed me each day. I want to look at each new day as a blessing from the Lord, and as a new day to care for the family He has blessed me with.

"When she speaks, she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly." This is one I must continue to work on. I do not want idle words pouring from my mouth, but words that are edifying and encouraging. I want to raise my daughters to be strong women of God, and my sons to know how to treat their future wives. I want each of them to know how to run a home in a Godly manner. I want my sister-wives to know that I love them for who they are, and only wish to encourage them to be the women that I know God has made them to be. Never do I want to compare anyone to anyone else. I want each member of my family to be who God made them to be, not like anyone else. I want my wonderful husband to hear words of encouragement from me, not words to tear him down or belittle him. He is a man of God, and I want to bless him daily.

"She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them busy and productive." I don't think anyone here thinks I need anymore work on this one! I just hope they understand I do not "crack the whip" to be mean or nasty, but so that we can work in harmony and keep our home orderly so that we can ENJOY our lives!!! Not to mention, idle hands are the devil's playground!

"Her children respect and bless her, her husband joins in with words of praise: 'Many women have done wonderful things, but you have outclassed them all.'" Most of my children are too young to "bless" me at this point. When I am old, and even gone onto being with my God, I want them to look back on my life and know that I did my best to raise them in a Godly manner; making them all they could be. I want my husband to be proud of me everyday, and see me as a Godly wife.

"Charm can mislead, and beauty quickly fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises." I am not the most beautiful woman in the world, nor do I want to be. I am good at public speaking, but do not have the charm to wow millions. These vanities are empty. I want to live a life that puts God first. I want Him to be the center of my attention, the reason I do everything, and the very purpose of my life here on earth. I do not do this for the glory and adoration I may receive, but for the reason that He deserves my love and adoration. My Savior left his Throne in Heaven- the center of all praise and glory- to take my sin, abuse, depression, illnesses, and everything else off of me. Jesus came to teach me how to live, to die in my place, and to conquer Death so that I can be united with him in Heaven when my life is over. I want to give Him every day of my life.

I am making a lot of changes in my life. I am dressing more modest (I can't dress much more modestly), wearing more skirts and higher cut shirts. I am cutting out soda, and drinking much more water. I will only eat foods that will encourage my body to be healthy (with the occasional chocolate as needed). I want to take care of myself so that I can be around for my children as they grow. I want to be beautiful both inwardly and outwardly for my husband. I want to be proud of the Temple that God has given me to serve Him in while I roam this earth.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Just another manic monday...

Well, the weekend is over. My baby girl is home with me once again. She had a fantastic weekend with her daddy, but I'm happy to have her back with me. Slept so much better knowing she's home with me.
I'm waiting for the phone to ring with an interview at the Janesville School System. Found out about an interpreting job there. Things have gone great up to this point in the proceedings, and I can only assume that the phone interview will go just as well. Only time with tell!
Sitting here, I'm watching my dh on his computer. I'm really worried about him. He misses Wendy so much, and we can't really help him through this pain. We all want to, but his heart is shattered. How do you get someone you love through so much grief? I'm just praying for wisdom and grace. My heart aches for him.
We tried our new schedule this morning. So far, the kids are just tired and cranky. Ah, the joys of the new school year! Victoria goes back Sept 1. We are trying to homeschool the two year olds, and get them ready for pre-k. How in the world do kids grow up so fast???? In some ways, I miss having my little baby. However, what a joy it is to see my little girl grow up and become a young lady day by day.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Its 12:35 AM on Friday. In just a few hours, I will be taking Willow to see/meet her Dad. I guess I'm on my own for the journey. Ann can't go, Rich is afraid to go, and I don't know if I can handle a fussy baby the whole way back when I'm crying myself. I really hoped that someone would go with me for support, but I am strong enough to go by myself. I can only thank God that He has given me a family that loves and supports me. Without them, I couldn't make it through this weekend.
Willow and Cameron got batteries today for their Power Wheels jeep. Oh my goodness! It was soooo cute!!!! I just need to teach Willow that both feet need to be in it BEFORE she pushes the peddle. She almost ran over her bare foot. Silly kid!
Not too much more is going on. I'm sure I'll have lots to post this weekend with all of my free time. Until then!

Friday, August 13, 2010

A man has an affair and walks out on his wife and 15 month old daughter. 6 months later, he returns for 2 weeks, saying he wants to reconcile. He then chooses to leave again, not to be seen or heard from in 9 months. No child support is paid. Few phone calls are exchanged. Out of the blue, he calls his wife up, and they agree to move back in together to get on their feet, then go their seperate ways. Soon after this agreement, the wife falls in love and moves out of state with the child, now near 3 years of age. Once the husband learns of the situation, he all of a sudden wants custody of the child if the wife does not return to the home state.

How does this man think, after a year and a half away from his child that he has any right to demand custody?
If I could have but one wish, it would be for people to understand that I am happy and safe. No one seems to understand that my life in this home is not the Hollywood idea of polygamy. That misconception is the hardest thing in the world for me to deal with. Everyone at home seems to think that I'm going to hell because I'm sinning. Um, yeah, I am a sinner. I'm also saved by grace. We all are. I'm not living a life that is forbidden in Scripture. Actually, I can find more to back it up than I can to dismiss it! Ugh.
I'm also dealing with the remnants of a broken marriage. Never in my life did I think that I would have to deal with a divorce, and especially not visitation stuff. But, I guess I was naive to think that fairy tales really do exist. Willow will see her dad next weekend for the first time in over a year. The last day we saw him was the day he moved north. Last time, she took to him like a duck takes to water. This time, I don't know how she will react. I know that when I turn around to leave and head home, she's going to scream and cry. I know I'll cry. I've never spent a night without her, let alone a weekend. She's had such a hard time sleeping lately, that I'm afraid she's going to give him quite a run for his money. She doesn't like to sleep without me, and will probably wake up a few times at night crying because I'm not there.
Also, he and I just can't have a civil conversation. I just wish he would understand that I have not put his daughter in a situation that is going to cause her pain or end in abuse. This family is loving, not scary. I just want people to see that.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

made up a new recipe for dinner tonight. we will see how it goes over, but its inexpensive and filling. thats the important part!

2 boxes au gratin potatoes
1 lbs bacon, cut and cooked
1.5 lbs chicken breast, cubed and cooked
shredded chedder cheese

mix potatoes up to box directions, add bacon, chicken, cheese. back 35 min at 400 degrees.

Right now, its in the oven. Im bouncing TJ oin my leg because all he wants to do is be held 24/7! Ann and B went to pick up meds, and dh is in and out of the house working on the backyard. I havent had to balance all the kids (minus one) and cook dinner since i moved in. Wow, that makes me feel kinda SPOILED!

Group interview went very well today. I hasdnt been away from the buiding 90 min and they called me for my one-on-one interview! Tuesday at 1. Im excited, but nervous, too. 12 hour shifts seem a bit daunting after not working since March. God knows what I can handle!

Well, Ill update with the dinner results later. Off to find a veggie to serve...

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Is it strange to be in mourning for someone you never met? My DH had been talking to a woman for a long time, and had lost contact with her all of a sudden. Her Myspace shut down, and all communication was lost. He just assumed that she just wanted nothing to do with him. Broke his heart, but he understood. However, we just found out that she had returned from military service and had turned down a promotion so that she could move closer. Sadly, we didn't find this out from her. The woman who was to become my new sister wife was tragically killed in a one car accident. She was laid to rest in family ground in the Holy Land of Israel. May her soul be at peace with her Creator. She is missed by her family, and by my husband. May we be together in Heaven someday!

As for the rest of my day...pretty boring. Tomorrow, however, I have a job interview at Quad Graphics. Praying for the best!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Been another interesting day in the household. I was woken up to a phone call from my ex letting me know that he's moving back to his home terminal, and will only be 2 hours away. Great for visitation, but does he have to be so rude? I know he wants to see Willow, and I'll make every reasonable accomodation. He's just so forceful about it. Oh well. Thus is my life.
I pretty much took the day off from everything. I sewed a skirt, but dh isn't real thrilled with it. Oh well, I think its cute :-D Frozen pizza for supper, while my sisters were at the laundrymat. Tomorrow, I'm going to do my laundry and all the bedding. Fun fun.
Talked to a new family tonight. Seems like they are having some scary issues with in-laws. Someday people will understand that our lives are not that much different. Its just heartbreaking to hear that a family is being seperated just because close minded people can't mind their own business.
Also found out that two of my friends from college are getting divorced. I really thought they would make it. No one is perfect. My heart is heavy tonight.
I think I'll head upstairs to my room early tonight. I need some God time. I need a revelation, or just a really big hug from Heaven. Good night blogworld!

Friday, August 6, 2010

I have so much on my mind tonight, but I can't really pinpoint anything specific! Such an annoying status :-(. I keep sleeping in too late, so I feel like I'm not accomplishing much. However, I am still cleaning house and cooking dinner. So, I guess I'm not completely useless, haha. No, I'm not depressed or anything. I just have my days and nights confused. I'm setting my alarm in the morning to get up early. And, to keep me to that, I'm making doughnuts for breakfast.
I had such a rough day yesterday. My ex husband called and just yelled at me for putting his daughter in a situation like this. Yeah, he doesn't like my family set-up either. So, after I was able to calm down a little bit, Rich was able to assure me that everything will be fine. I just have to convince myself that I will not be left again. That will take a lifetime, a day by day struggle.
Sounds like we are heading to Indian mounds tomorrow. I'm really excited. I grew up going to Cahokia mounds in Illinois, and the ones here in Wisconsin are groups that broke off from the Illinois settlement. I hated going as a kid, but now that I'm older and have learned to love history. Maybe I can come to a better understanding of some things tomorrow. We shall see!
My patience is thin tonight. One part of such a big family is the lack of quiet in this house. There is always something going on. Its 11:30 PM, and almost everyone is still awake. Since the computer I mainly use is in the living room, I'm still in the middle of chaos. B is trying to get TJ to go to sleep, while we are watching a movie. My humble opinoin is that if he needs to go to sleep (he's only 7 months old), she needs to cuddle him in her bedroom where its quiet. The middle of the living room with a loud movie is not the best place to get a baby to sleep. But, that's just my opinoin.
I need to go get mine to bed. She's still WIDE awake. OH, but we made a big step in the right direction today!!! Willow used the bathroom!!! Yeah, I'm probably over excited, but I'm tired of buying so many diapers. My baby is growing up! Hard to belive she's almost 3 years old already.
Well, need to finish my starter and get to bed. If they turn out, I'll post the recipe on here tomorrow. Blessings!

Monday, August 2, 2010

I love my Restoration Movement roots...

If you read my first entry, you know that my husband and first sister wife are Mormon. So, I decided to meet with the Missionaries and learn more about the faith of my family. I can now say I've actually read the Book of Mormon. And, boy, did I have a LOT of questions!!!
One of the first things I noticed is that the language of the book, the very syntax and grammer used does not vary AT ALL. Reading the Scriptures, you can tell who is writting. Each inspired author of the Bible had his own style of writting. Perfect case is the Harmony of the Gospels (Thanks Doc Henderson!). These 4 books were written about the same events, near the same time, about the same person. The styles are no where near the same! Matthew was a tax collector, he wrote as a common person. Mark was young, and wrote as a young man. Luke was a doctor, and wrote as a learned man. John was the closest to Jesus and wrote as a personal friend. And, NO ONE rights like Paul, with his run on sentances. And that's just a few books of the 66!
Joseph Smiths "translation" of the golden plates has the same sentance structure all the way through. 2600 years BEFORE Jesus was born, He is refered to as Christ. It is even said that His followers were to be called "Christians". Um, last time I checked, the word christian was a derogetory name made up by the Romans. It was never held in high regard. Its a troublesome read, as every few sentances you run into the phrase "and it came to pass". I mean, I must have read the statement over 1000 times, and thats not an exageration. Its like Joseph Smith just made it all up. I guess its not too hard to write a book, even for a young man.
These words will probably hang heavy on my husband's heart, but I just can't believe it. It doesn't hold the truth that I know to be real. I am a Follower of Christ, and I will search until I find the church I am to go to.

I must decrease, so Christ can increase...

Those words by John that Baptist ring in my heart every once in a while. I must become less and less, so that Christ can become greater. That is a hard thing to do! I've never really been a prideful person, and my friends growing up can attest to that. I knew where my strengths were (mainly musical), but I was shy and very backwards. Definately shunned at school for my outward faith. It was actually very easy to not be prideful in that, as I was teased relentlessly for being who I was.
However, I've noticed since moving here, I'm becoming prideful in my abilities as a homemaker. As I've alluded to before, my sister-wives can't really cook much. Neither are real motivated to clean most days (girls, I said MOST days...don't freak out on me). Now, my mother will be SHOCKED to hear that I cleaned the other apartment when we moved into our home. See, at her house, I hated keeping my room clean. It just took way too much effort, and meant I had to be alone. Two things I hated as a teenager. When I was a single mom, I was terrible at keeping up with the dishes, as I was exhausted by the time I got off work and cooked dinner. I hate to admit that dishes would pile up for weeks, usually getting done by my parents because I'd just get overwhelmed.
Its these reminders that I must keep in mind daily. It wasn't long ago at all that I wanted to do nothing but sit around all day and play with my daughter. However, I'm in a household of 9 now! There isn't time to sit around all day and get things done at the same time. I get so frustrated at my sister wives because all they seem to do is sit, or take care of the babies ( 4 months and 6 months). Pride stared me in the eye tonight as I realized that I am here for a reason.
I am not here to condemn, or to come down on them for lack of motivation. The Bible tells us that older women are to train younger women in life. I must realize that my sister wives are younger than me in the area of homemaking. Even though Ann is by age older, she was never taught. Brandy is younger, and we have much to teach her. I am here to love my family, as well as train these women up. Also, I have two daughters that we must train to be Godly women who can run a home. So far, we have taught them nothing. Before I married my DH, Willow was taught to pick her toys up every night before bed, and even before meals. I became lazy when I moved here because of how the house is run. That must end.
I was also confronted by the Holy Spirit tonight, that I must lead by example. If I want my family to be more spiritual, I must be. I must get in the habit of Bible Study daily (something I have ALWAYS struggled with), and teaching these children about the Love of God. Our two-year-olds are going to begin basic homeschooling activities very soon, and I am going to have an age appropriate religion lesson with them, also. They were given to us for a reason, and it is our responsibility to ensure they are trained in the right way.
Wow...i have a lot of "dying" to do....
I'd love to continue sitting around all day, playing on the computer and watching tv, but I'm letting precious time go by. I must run this home the way God has called me to do it. If I do not care for the tasks He has given me, I will loose the blessings He has poured out. That's a hard revelation to take in. I must be faithful in the little things before He will trust me with more.
Please, Lord Jesus, help me become the Woman of God that You want me to be. Show me how to die daily, so that You may live through me.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Who knew just a simple change in environments would cause me so much pain? Sinus headaches are AWFUL!!! Add to that 5 kids screaming, and its been a FANTABULOUS day! At least the insomnia is over. I went to bed about 11 last night. YAY!!!
Tonight was a great example of differences in child rearing. Our oldest daughter has been confined to home for far too long. Lots of different reasons behind that, but now that we are in the new house, I try to get her to spend as much time outside as possible. I mean, it is summer vacation, and what kid at 9 years old doesn't want to be out with friends? The problem is one of my sister wives grew up very controlled and wasn't apparently allowed to be a kid. SOO, many times she forgets that our daughter is still a kid. I asked Victoria to go water the garden tonight, and she was told not to get wet. It was 430 in the afternoon, and almost 90 degrees. What's going to happen if she does get wet???!!! I just get so frustrated. She doesn't know she's doing it, until we call her out on it. I'm tired of saying the same things over and over again.
Victoria was also trying to blame her anger on her ADHD. Um, no. That's so not going to fly with me. I'm diagnosed with bipolar disorder. If I can handle my problems, I will teach her to handle hers. I have no patience for anyone using their "disability" as a crutch. I don't care how old they are!
We chose to leave the hall light on for Victoria, as she is scared of the dark. My sister doesn't understand HOW a child at almost 10 years old can still be afraid of the dark. When I told her I had a light on in my room until I was in college, she gave me the most "you have GOT to be kidding me" stare I've ever seen. Why is it is bad that people are scared of the dark. Yes, its irrational, as I knew there was nothing in there in the dark that wasn't there in the light, but I still needed that light to make sure. Oh, and don't get me started on storms! After living through 3 tornadoes in the past 5 years, I'm a little paranoid. But, apparently, its not ok for my daughter to be scared of the lightening and thunder like I am. My birth daughter (almost 3) thinks they are the coolest thing known to man. I'm good with that! I'm not, however, going to let Victoria sleep in my bed when a storm goes through. She must learn that she is safe inside the house, and we will get her if she is not. I'm very tired of hearing her get yelled at everytime she says she's scared. FIND OUT WHY SHE'S SCARED!!!!!! OMGosh COMMUNICATION PEOPLE!!!!!!!!
Anyway, i need to go get the kitchen cleaned up so I can get to bed before my dh gets home from work at 8 AM. Given, its only 11:15, but the way I've been going...hehe. Thanks for reading. Blessings!

Monday, July 26, 2010

7/27 2AM

Another sleepless night. Yippee! Insomnia is no fun, and even less fun when you feel like you're missing out on EVERYTHING with your children. I have my days and nights mixed up right now, so I'm awake half the night, and sleep until lunch- if not later. I don't do anything with Willow anymore. Poor kid, probably wonders why Mom isn't around. Once I'm back on my meds, things will straighten out again. Until then, I have to do my best to be normal.
I've been really moody the past couple of days, but today being the worst. I really miss my DH when he's at work, and this is my week to not have him. With him working 3rd shift, there is a week for each of us that we don't get our full night with him. This is my week. My night should be Wednesday, but since he will leave for work at 6, and not get home until 8 the next morning, I will only see him when he gets home. With his work schedule set up that way, it doesn't leave much time for just him and I. But, like I said, we each will have our week like that.
I'm really homesick right now. My parents quit speaking to me when I chose to move 6 hours away with my daughter and move in to a polygamist family. Its sinful and against everything the church teaches. So, instead of trying to love me out of it, they would rather judge and protect their hearts. I don't much blame mom for that. She's lost both of her parents this year. Its been rough, to say the very least. Now, I took her only by-blood grandbaby away from her. Problem is, I really want to see her right now! I miss her so much. Willow keeps saying that she wants to see Gama, too. All attempts to get her to concede have failed. I guess the homesickness will just have to go on for a while. That may be the hardest part of this family; I left everything to come here. I had a sure-fire job waiting for me in the fall, a loving church and a close-knit family. What I didn't have, though, was companionship. People worry that I just chose this because I was lonely. So not the case! Yes, my family has filled a longing and a hole in my heart, but I didn't get married to ease my loneliness. I got married because I fell in love with an AMAZING man of God, and found my niche in this family. I am home. I just wish my Mom would speak to me.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

I'm feeling really lost today. Its Sunday, and due to stress at home, I don't want to leave my room. Meaning, I didn't go to church today. I hate missing church. Its not like being in a building and listening to a preacher alone is uplifting. I can read the Scriptures myself, pray and worship here at home just as well. But, something about being with other people seeking God together...its just peaceful, and fulfilling! I'll get my recharge somehow.
The Bible warns against being unequally yoked. When you are in a marriage with anyone that is a different faith or belief, you are going to find out what strain is. When you are raised under different standards by parents, and thrown together in a home and forced to work together, you REALLY start to feel strain. Now, when you throw 3 women in a home together, all with different ideas on how to raise children, keep a house and how to eat, well, then you start to get a glimps at the stress I'm feeling right now.
Growing up, my Grandma and Mom taught me how to work hard and raise a family. Grandma was blessed to stay at home and raise her children, and even help with the grandchildren. She made sure I knew how to cook. She taught me the basics of sewing. Mom taught me how to balance a full-time job, active children, church activities and running a home. Both of these women have blessed me more than they will ever know. I try to bring those aspects into my home here. I believe that a child must be disciplined in love, fairly, and each to their own standard. They cannot be compaired to each other. Yes, I will spank a child if needed. A swat to a padded butt never killed anyone! I do not yell. My voice was given to me to praise and correct my children. It was not given to me to instill fear into them!
My family should eat well balanced meals daily. Fruits and vegetables should be abundant, and processed foods should be limited. We are slowly working into that mentality here. I may not have my garden yet, but we have an AWESOME farmer's market just around the corner. Anything we could possibly need for meals, we can get there. I LOVE IT!!!! We even purchased frest brats from a farmer this week. They were sooo yummy!
I've been doing some digging about frugal meals online. I'm planning on posting our favorites up here- mainly so I can find them again! I don't have my cookbooks or my recepie box with me yet, so I'm just keeping scraps of paper everywhere! If I post them on here, at least I can pull them up easier lol! I'm also looking for a sewing machine so I can fix some of my oldest daughter's clothes. She's in a growth spurt right now, and all of her jeans are too short. I'm planning on using the nicer ones and making them into skirts for church. Since we attend the LDS, I try to keep her in nice, conservative clothing. Plus, denim skirts are just sooo comfy!! I'll have that pattern on here also. Great links all over the net for them :-D
My birth daughter is here in my room now, watching Toy Story 2 with me. She's OBSESSED with this movie! Toy Story and Thomas the Tank Engine. Yes, I did say I have a little GIRL. She's such a tomboy, and I LOVE it.
I'm trying to convince myself to leave my room and join the land of the living. However, my jammies are just so comfy, and my bed is really inviting. Think I'll just stay right here and watch this movie again for the...100th time or so.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Do you ever have days were you just want to strangle people around you? I mean, not literally, as that would lead to incarceration, but just wonder WTH they are around you?? Yeah, its been one of those days with my sisterwife. Just one of them, mind you. I get along splendidly with the other. There is just an age/maturity gap with me and B and she really tests my patience most days. Poor thing, she has no clue! And its not like I can even pinpoint what gets to me. Its just like a ton of little things that just get under my skin. Terrible? Well, probably. However, that's just part of life. I know as she gets older (she's only 21) , things will get better. Just, right now...UGH!!!!!

Dinner just got cleaned up, and I'm bored out of my skull. I need to go find something to do. Not really wanting to be at home all night tonight. Ugh. BOREDOM!

Friday, July 23, 2010

Just life as usual...

Many people have this image of me sitting at this computer in a long dress, covering me from neck to ankle, a long braid with hair never cut and 15 children running around me. Boy, are you wrong!!! That may be common on the news, as all they want is the "story" from the FDLS compound about abuse and fanatical religious people. Well, not everyone who is polygamist is that way. To see my family on the street, you wouldn't think much different of us. Three women shopping with 2 babies, 2 toddlers and a pre-teen. The only thing out of place is that there is one man.
We live in a 5 bedroom home in a quiet neighborhood. We know our neighbors, we don't cloister from the outside world. We have freedom to come and go as we wish. I work outside the home, if only part time right now. There is no strange or disgusting behavior happening in this home...well, just don't count what we find in the diapers (YUCK).
Ann is the only legal wife. She and our husband have been married for almost 3 years. She has been blessed to carry two sons. B joined the family a little over a year ago, and has one son. My daughter and I joined the family almost two months ago. I'm divorced and have an almost-three year old from that marriage. Our oldest daughter is our husbands from his previous marriage. She is almost 10. So, we have a 10 year old, 2 two-year-olds, a 6 month old and a 4 month old. Sound like fun? We love it!!!!
Trust me, life isn't much different in our home than in yours. No, I don't share my bed with my husband every night. What wife doesn't sometimes want the bed to herself anyway, right? haha! I have a "quiver-full" of children now, something I had given up on. I loved being pregnant, but I didn't get started until I was 27. The biological clock only runs so long!
I hope by talking about a taboo relationship will bring our lifestyle out of the shadows and show people that we aren't all crazy religious people who like young girls. Um..EWWWW! My husband and Ann are Mormon, so that's pretty stereotypical. B claims to be pagan. I call myself a Believer. I was raised in a normal home, and this is definitely NOT accepted by most of my family. Someday, we will see if their hearts change.
Yep, we fight. What home with 3 women from 3 different backgrounds and upbringings wouldn't have some disagreements? We have our own opinions on how to raise the children, how the house should be kept and how to deal with one another. In time, maybe we can all go back and read these blogs and see how we have grown up and grown together. One can hope, anyway!!!
I hope you enjoy my rantings and lessons on here. I'm going to have fun writing! Leave me comments with your questions and smart butt remarks. I'll do my best to address them. Until next time, good night!