Thursday, July 29, 2010

Who knew just a simple change in environments would cause me so much pain? Sinus headaches are AWFUL!!! Add to that 5 kids screaming, and its been a FANTABULOUS day! At least the insomnia is over. I went to bed about 11 last night. YAY!!!
Tonight was a great example of differences in child rearing. Our oldest daughter has been confined to home for far too long. Lots of different reasons behind that, but now that we are in the new house, I try to get her to spend as much time outside as possible. I mean, it is summer vacation, and what kid at 9 years old doesn't want to be out with friends? The problem is one of my sister wives grew up very controlled and wasn't apparently allowed to be a kid. SOO, many times she forgets that our daughter is still a kid. I asked Victoria to go water the garden tonight, and she was told not to get wet. It was 430 in the afternoon, and almost 90 degrees. What's going to happen if she does get wet???!!! I just get so frustrated. She doesn't know she's doing it, until we call her out on it. I'm tired of saying the same things over and over again.
Victoria was also trying to blame her anger on her ADHD. Um, no. That's so not going to fly with me. I'm diagnosed with bipolar disorder. If I can handle my problems, I will teach her to handle hers. I have no patience for anyone using their "disability" as a crutch. I don't care how old they are!
We chose to leave the hall light on for Victoria, as she is scared of the dark. My sister doesn't understand HOW a child at almost 10 years old can still be afraid of the dark. When I told her I had a light on in my room until I was in college, she gave me the most "you have GOT to be kidding me" stare I've ever seen. Why is it is bad that people are scared of the dark. Yes, its irrational, as I knew there was nothing in there in the dark that wasn't there in the light, but I still needed that light to make sure. Oh, and don't get me started on storms! After living through 3 tornadoes in the past 5 years, I'm a little paranoid. But, apparently, its not ok for my daughter to be scared of the lightening and thunder like I am. My birth daughter (almost 3) thinks they are the coolest thing known to man. I'm good with that! I'm not, however, going to let Victoria sleep in my bed when a storm goes through. She must learn that she is safe inside the house, and we will get her if she is not. I'm very tired of hearing her get yelled at everytime she says she's scared. FIND OUT WHY SHE'S SCARED!!!!!! OMGosh COMMUNICATION PEOPLE!!!!!!!!
Anyway, i need to go get the kitchen cleaned up so I can get to bed before my dh gets home from work at 8 AM. Given, its only 11:15, but the way I've been going...hehe. Thanks for reading. Blessings!

Monday, July 26, 2010

7/27 2AM

Another sleepless night. Yippee! Insomnia is no fun, and even less fun when you feel like you're missing out on EVERYTHING with your children. I have my days and nights mixed up right now, so I'm awake half the night, and sleep until lunch- if not later. I don't do anything with Willow anymore. Poor kid, probably wonders why Mom isn't around. Once I'm back on my meds, things will straighten out again. Until then, I have to do my best to be normal.
I've been really moody the past couple of days, but today being the worst. I really miss my DH when he's at work, and this is my week to not have him. With him working 3rd shift, there is a week for each of us that we don't get our full night with him. This is my week. My night should be Wednesday, but since he will leave for work at 6, and not get home until 8 the next morning, I will only see him when he gets home. With his work schedule set up that way, it doesn't leave much time for just him and I. But, like I said, we each will have our week like that.
I'm really homesick right now. My parents quit speaking to me when I chose to move 6 hours away with my daughter and move in to a polygamist family. Its sinful and against everything the church teaches. So, instead of trying to love me out of it, they would rather judge and protect their hearts. I don't much blame mom for that. She's lost both of her parents this year. Its been rough, to say the very least. Now, I took her only by-blood grandbaby away from her. Problem is, I really want to see her right now! I miss her so much. Willow keeps saying that she wants to see Gama, too. All attempts to get her to concede have failed. I guess the homesickness will just have to go on for a while. That may be the hardest part of this family; I left everything to come here. I had a sure-fire job waiting for me in the fall, a loving church and a close-knit family. What I didn't have, though, was companionship. People worry that I just chose this because I was lonely. So not the case! Yes, my family has filled a longing and a hole in my heart, but I didn't get married to ease my loneliness. I got married because I fell in love with an AMAZING man of God, and found my niche in this family. I am home. I just wish my Mom would speak to me.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

I'm feeling really lost today. Its Sunday, and due to stress at home, I don't want to leave my room. Meaning, I didn't go to church today. I hate missing church. Its not like being in a building and listening to a preacher alone is uplifting. I can read the Scriptures myself, pray and worship here at home just as well. But, something about being with other people seeking God together...its just peaceful, and fulfilling! I'll get my recharge somehow.
The Bible warns against being unequally yoked. When you are in a marriage with anyone that is a different faith or belief, you are going to find out what strain is. When you are raised under different standards by parents, and thrown together in a home and forced to work together, you REALLY start to feel strain. Now, when you throw 3 women in a home together, all with different ideas on how to raise children, keep a house and how to eat, well, then you start to get a glimps at the stress I'm feeling right now.
Growing up, my Grandma and Mom taught me how to work hard and raise a family. Grandma was blessed to stay at home and raise her children, and even help with the grandchildren. She made sure I knew how to cook. She taught me the basics of sewing. Mom taught me how to balance a full-time job, active children, church activities and running a home. Both of these women have blessed me more than they will ever know. I try to bring those aspects into my home here. I believe that a child must be disciplined in love, fairly, and each to their own standard. They cannot be compaired to each other. Yes, I will spank a child if needed. A swat to a padded butt never killed anyone! I do not yell. My voice was given to me to praise and correct my children. It was not given to me to instill fear into them!
My family should eat well balanced meals daily. Fruits and vegetables should be abundant, and processed foods should be limited. We are slowly working into that mentality here. I may not have my garden yet, but we have an AWESOME farmer's market just around the corner. Anything we could possibly need for meals, we can get there. I LOVE IT!!!! We even purchased frest brats from a farmer this week. They were sooo yummy!
I've been doing some digging about frugal meals online. I'm planning on posting our favorites up here- mainly so I can find them again! I don't have my cookbooks or my recepie box with me yet, so I'm just keeping scraps of paper everywhere! If I post them on here, at least I can pull them up easier lol! I'm also looking for a sewing machine so I can fix some of my oldest daughter's clothes. She's in a growth spurt right now, and all of her jeans are too short. I'm planning on using the nicer ones and making them into skirts for church. Since we attend the LDS, I try to keep her in nice, conservative clothing. Plus, denim skirts are just sooo comfy!! I'll have that pattern on here also. Great links all over the net for them :-D
My birth daughter is here in my room now, watching Toy Story 2 with me. She's OBSESSED with this movie! Toy Story and Thomas the Tank Engine. Yes, I did say I have a little GIRL. She's such a tomboy, and I LOVE it.
I'm trying to convince myself to leave my room and join the land of the living. However, my jammies are just so comfy, and my bed is really inviting. Think I'll just stay right here and watch this movie again for the...100th time or so.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Do you ever have days were you just want to strangle people around you? I mean, not literally, as that would lead to incarceration, but just wonder WTH they are around you?? Yeah, its been one of those days with my sisterwife. Just one of them, mind you. I get along splendidly with the other. There is just an age/maturity gap with me and B and she really tests my patience most days. Poor thing, she has no clue! And its not like I can even pinpoint what gets to me. Its just like a ton of little things that just get under my skin. Terrible? Well, probably. However, that's just part of life. I know as she gets older (she's only 21) , things will get better. Just, right now...UGH!!!!!

Dinner just got cleaned up, and I'm bored out of my skull. I need to go find something to do. Not really wanting to be at home all night tonight. Ugh. BOREDOM!

Friday, July 23, 2010

Just life as usual...

Many people have this image of me sitting at this computer in a long dress, covering me from neck to ankle, a long braid with hair never cut and 15 children running around me. Boy, are you wrong!!! That may be common on the news, as all they want is the "story" from the FDLS compound about abuse and fanatical religious people. Well, not everyone who is polygamist is that way. To see my family on the street, you wouldn't think much different of us. Three women shopping with 2 babies, 2 toddlers and a pre-teen. The only thing out of place is that there is one man.
We live in a 5 bedroom home in a quiet neighborhood. We know our neighbors, we don't cloister from the outside world. We have freedom to come and go as we wish. I work outside the home, if only part time right now. There is no strange or disgusting behavior happening in this home...well, just don't count what we find in the diapers (YUCK).
Ann is the only legal wife. She and our husband have been married for almost 3 years. She has been blessed to carry two sons. B joined the family a little over a year ago, and has one son. My daughter and I joined the family almost two months ago. I'm divorced and have an almost-three year old from that marriage. Our oldest daughter is our husbands from his previous marriage. She is almost 10. So, we have a 10 year old, 2 two-year-olds, a 6 month old and a 4 month old. Sound like fun? We love it!!!!
Trust me, life isn't much different in our home than in yours. No, I don't share my bed with my husband every night. What wife doesn't sometimes want the bed to herself anyway, right? haha! I have a "quiver-full" of children now, something I had given up on. I loved being pregnant, but I didn't get started until I was 27. The biological clock only runs so long!
I hope by talking about a taboo relationship will bring our lifestyle out of the shadows and show people that we aren't all crazy religious people who like young girls. Um..EWWWW! My husband and Ann are Mormon, so that's pretty stereotypical. B claims to be pagan. I call myself a Believer. I was raised in a normal home, and this is definitely NOT accepted by most of my family. Someday, we will see if their hearts change.
Yep, we fight. What home with 3 women from 3 different backgrounds and upbringings wouldn't have some disagreements? We have our own opinions on how to raise the children, how the house should be kept and how to deal with one another. In time, maybe we can all go back and read these blogs and see how we have grown up and grown together. One can hope, anyway!!!
I hope you enjoy my rantings and lessons on here. I'm going to have fun writing! Leave me comments with your questions and smart butt remarks. I'll do my best to address them. Until next time, good night!