Monday, July 26, 2010

7/27 2AM

Another sleepless night. Yippee! Insomnia is no fun, and even less fun when you feel like you're missing out on EVERYTHING with your children. I have my days and nights mixed up right now, so I'm awake half the night, and sleep until lunch- if not later. I don't do anything with Willow anymore. Poor kid, probably wonders why Mom isn't around. Once I'm back on my meds, things will straighten out again. Until then, I have to do my best to be normal.
I've been really moody the past couple of days, but today being the worst. I really miss my DH when he's at work, and this is my week to not have him. With him working 3rd shift, there is a week for each of us that we don't get our full night with him. This is my week. My night should be Wednesday, but since he will leave for work at 6, and not get home until 8 the next morning, I will only see him when he gets home. With his work schedule set up that way, it doesn't leave much time for just him and I. But, like I said, we each will have our week like that.
I'm really homesick right now. My parents quit speaking to me when I chose to move 6 hours away with my daughter and move in to a polygamist family. Its sinful and against everything the church teaches. So, instead of trying to love me out of it, they would rather judge and protect their hearts. I don't much blame mom for that. She's lost both of her parents this year. Its been rough, to say the very least. Now, I took her only by-blood grandbaby away from her. Problem is, I really want to see her right now! I miss her so much. Willow keeps saying that she wants to see Gama, too. All attempts to get her to concede have failed. I guess the homesickness will just have to go on for a while. That may be the hardest part of this family; I left everything to come here. I had a sure-fire job waiting for me in the fall, a loving church and a close-knit family. What I didn't have, though, was companionship. People worry that I just chose this because I was lonely. So not the case! Yes, my family has filled a longing and a hole in my heart, but I didn't get married to ease my loneliness. I got married because I fell in love with an AMAZING man of God, and found my niche in this family. I am home. I just wish my Mom would speak to me.

1 comment:

  1. Just keep praying for her, sending cards & pics of willow...give it time :) HUGS